Along came a spider

Yesterday, while sitting on our sofa, I noticed Kara staring at the cushion beside me. Her eyes were even bigger than usual, and she was chanting something.

She was repeating, “pedder, pedder, pedder.”

I looked down, and sure enough, an enormous spider was just chillaxing on the sofa about two inches away from my left thigh.

Of course, I nearly knocked Kara down trying to get away. I’ll admit it, I LOSE MY MIND when I see a spider.

The thing about spiders, when you’re a mom, is that you CAN NOT LET THE SPIDER GET AWAY. The idea of a giant spider escaping into the hollow depths of my sofa is just too much to handle. I MUST know that the spider is dead, so, even though I would rather swallow shards of broken glass than approach and kill a spider with my own two hands, when my husband isn’t here, its my motherly duty to seek and destroy. I can’t risk letting it get away, only to crawl into bed with one of my kids. No.

Before I had kids, I took a more calculated approach to spider-killing. You know, spraying one with an entire bottle of hair spray in an effort to disorient it, right before pounding it to death with a broom from three feet away, and then shaking its over-sprayed, broom-straw-ravaged carcass into the toilet.

It’s a great method for a single person, but as a mom, I just grab a shoe and make short work of things.

After I took care of the spider—and I apologize if my murderous-spider-speak is offensive to any nature-lovers who are reading along—I realized something. I thought that when Kara saw the spider, she was actually trying to say SPIDER, SPIDER, SPIDER, but, then, it hit me.

She wasn’t saying SPIDER at all. She was saying… pet her. Kara says, “pedder, pedder, pedder,” any time she sees a dog or a cat.

She wanted to PET IT.

Coming to that realization skeeved me out all over again.

The images below just make me laugh. Disclaimer: I couldn’t find legit sources for these, and please don’t think I’m insensitive to anyone who has suffered the loss of a home by fire. This is really just spider-humor for folks like me who are big babies.

spider-bath-tub

I live in the country and we have a LOT of spiders in the summer. I’ve definitely ran away from the shower like this a time or two!

spider-burn-house-down

I am also aware that spiders help keep our ecosystem in balance, and that they eat more harmful insects like mosquitos. I know. I still don’t want to touch or see another one, you know, ever.

Please tell me I am not the only one who goes nuts when seeing a spider. I’m not, right?

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