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Dear Crissy - Life, blogged.

Is common courtesy dead?

There were so many times during my pregnancy that I wanted to write a post about the lack of common courtesy I noticed.

Do you hold the door open for the person behind you?

The one thing that I have seen over the past couple of years, is that so often people who are less than five paces in front of me while walking into a store, will fail to hold the door open for me. I noticed it more when I was pregnant, because seriously, who doesn’t hold the door open for a woman who is 9-months-FEELS-LIKE-14-MONTHS-pregnant. Who? What kind of person is this? Did I just happen upon a string of bad experiences, or are common courtesies just really not in practice anymore?

Common Courtesy

Should pregnant women receive special treatment?

I have to admit, when I was pregnant with Evan, I really thought that people were going to view and treat me differently. And yes, by different, I mean special. I thought that people were going to take one look at me in all my glowing, pregnant glory, and immediately unleash phrases like, “Aww, can I help you carry that?” When appropriate, of course.

I always expected the teenage boy bagging my groceries at Kroger to ask me if I needed help to my car when I was pregnant, too, but guess what? I don’t think it ever happened. I had to specifically request help, and it was always as if I was really asking a lot when I did.

Granted, maybe I shouldn’t have anticipated that people would really care that I was pregnant. I mean, there are any number of pregnant woman in the room at a given time, and producing offspring is one of the most common, and basic human functions. Right? Obviously, I am simply making it clear that I realize on some level that pregnancy may not merit special treatment, but come on. Come ON. It does, right?

What do you think?

Do you find that there is a lack of basic common courtesy today? What about a little special treatment toward pregnant women, should it be a given, or should pregnant women just suck it up and stop anticipating any favors?

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71 Comments

  1. March 10, 2011 @ 1:05 am

    I think overall, there is a lack of common courtesies. I think people really have become a little less aware of those around them (maybe b/c we’re always on our smartphones?) However, I have to say, when I was pregnant, I did get special treatment (and I really really liked it!) People let me go ahead of them in the supermarket. And I actually did have someone ask me if I needed help once carrying something. Maybe I just looked so awful and round that they felt sorry for me!! I think I got more special treatment pregnant than I did with the baby in tow, though.

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  2. March 10, 2011 @ 1:09 am

    Crissy, it is not a lack of common courtesy, but a lack of respect for human life. Why should pregnant women get any special treatment when many people believe that you shouldn’t even be having that child. I got that so much when I was pregnant (had six). I always would get the jibes that the world is overpopulated. Then of course, we have just selfish people who have no thoughts of anyone else but themselves. But I think it is more about a lack of respect for human dignity. When life is not respected, there goes society.

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  3. March 10, 2011 @ 1:19 am

    I’m in west Texas and everybody holds the door for everyone, says excuse me, says thank you, etc… it’s kind of nice to live in this “bubble”!

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    • March 10, 2011 @ 2:06 am

      Same thing here in Oklahoma. But when I lived in California it was ridiculous. Even in Northern California, in the rural areas, people are very ME-centric.

      Common courtesy is dying along with chivalry.

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    • March 10, 2011 @ 11:41 am

      Jenn, I wish it was a little more like that here.

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  4. March 10, 2011 @ 1:28 am
    ellen

    It is a lack of concern they are showing not just for pregnant women, but for anyone. I will tell you, it varies by region and by size of the city, but what I am seeing is more people are looking down at their phones/devices & spending less time in the real world.
    It doesn’t matter if someone is pregnant, or you’re in a wheelchair- they dont see you.

    Common courtesy just isnt important if someone is playing angry birds. Neither is driving safely (I see women constantly texting while driving with kids in their car)

    It’s time to look up & see those around us again.

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  5. March 10, 2011 @ 1:32 am

    I think in the younger generation, it is indeed dead, or at least dying very quickly. I’ve got 3 daughters, 1 son, and I have to fuss at them often about holding the door for others; not just the opposite gender. Although at times I’m surprised and touched at how thoughtful they can be at times.

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  6. March 10, 2011 @ 1:39 am

    It would have been nice if I once, just once, had been offered a seat on a bus whilst I was pregnant!

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  7. March 10, 2011 @ 1:55 am

    As I was raised in a traditional yes-sir-yes-ma’am kind of home, I think the door should be held/opened for a women whether they are pregnant or not. Not because women are fragile or can’t do it themselves, but because it’s a courteous gesture. Especially if she is pregnant or has her hands full. That said, it is increasingly difficult to extend such gestures. I have been snapped at on several occasions for holding the door for a woman; in one instance, I was even called a sexist and told I was “what’s wrong with society.” I have other male friends that have experienced similar reactions. Whether it’s holding the door, offering to help with a cumbersome load, or giving up a seat on a full bus, some women take offense. I will grant that some of the people who let the door slam in your face are simply discourteous, but others, men in particular, worry about how they will be perceived. Chivalry isn’t dead, but I’m not sure how much longer it will survive. I’d love your (or others) reaction to this. Should men simply shrug off the occasional sexist-sensitive woman, or should just avoid going out of our way to hold a door?

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    • March 13, 2011 @ 5:42 pm
      David Huggins

      I have experienced this. I still hold the door open for others, and I have said something to anyone who may think I am sexist. Some people just like to have something to yell or insult a stranger over.

      My wife loves it though, so I will continue.

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  8. March 10, 2011 @ 2:19 am

    I wonder if it’s the area? When I was pregnant, I had all sorts of awesome common courtesy, times 10! I was pregnant in Washington state though, and then into Canada. People gave me special treatment all the time. Helped me carry things out, gave me extra food in the restaurants, refilled my drinks, etc. A few restaurants even let me bring outside food in because I was pregnant. I loved being pregnant. :)

    But then, also, now that I’m not pregnant, the whole “open the door for the person behind you” still exists on a regular basis that I’ve noticed. Common courtesy is definitely nice.

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  9. March 10, 2011 @ 6:57 am

    I have taught all my boys respect and kindness. They know how to treat a woman and she does not have to be pregnant. They also have manners and the schools comment on how polite they are..

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  10. March 10, 2011 @ 7:19 am

    It might not be dead but dying. I teach my girls common courtesy as I was taught by my grandmother. As far as being pregnant and receiving it, I got the door shut on my more times than I can count. It stinks.

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  11. March 10, 2011 @ 7:42 am

    I think common courtesy as a whole is dying. I have taught my older kids (10&11) to open and continue to hold doors for everyone, get up and let elders have their seat, say “please”, “thank you”, “excuse me”, and “bless you” but lately it seems like I’m the only one. I do believe a lot of it is smart phones and portable video games. My kids have the little Nintendos, but they can only play them at home and long (more than an hour) car trips. I like to talk to my kids at the dinner table and while I’m driving, somedays it’s the only quiet time we have together besides bedtime. I think more people should put those freaking devices down, and pay attention to those around them. Have a conversation with your kids, and let them learn from your good example, not the bad. We have to be the ones to teach them those things, because we’re just not paying teachers enough to do the stuff they already do.

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  12. March 10, 2011 @ 7:47 am

    I think there’s definitely less than there used to be. Today I was at the drug store – when I pulled in to a parking lot near the front door, the guy in the spot next to me had his jumper cables out & hood up. I asked if he needed a jump. He did. Turns out he had been there for some time & no one had offered to help.

    Simple things like holding a door open, carrying groceries, giving up your seat – these are the small ways you can help someone out and make the world a better place.

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  13. March 10, 2011 @ 8:35 am

    I agree there is a lack of common courtesy. Even in high school I was appalled by the number of times I got the door slammed in my face going in right behind someone, and I am afraid as an adult, it hasn’t gotten much better. From people shamelessly using family parking spots when they obviously have no family with them, to heavily pregnant women standing on the subway while everyone else is sitting around and studiously avoiding looking at the big belly in the room. I am afraid all we can do is try to teach our kids differently.

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  14. March 10, 2011 @ 10:12 am

    I do think that common courtesy is dead. I think a lot of the younger crowd are not being taught specific things such as respecting your elders, opening doors for others and offering help to those who look like they need help. I don’t know how many times I have been shopping with my daughter, both hands full and no one offers to grab a door. Even though they have 2 open hands. I do my best to help others in public and just hope that people see me and try to pass it forward.

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  15. March 10, 2011 @ 10:25 am

    Crissy,
    I was blessed to be raised in a loving household, and also become a Boy Scout and achieve the rank of Eagle. At almost 32 years old, I still hold earning my Eagle Scout rank as one of my life’s best accomplishments. Only passed by my wife and child. One of the points of the Scout Law is to be Courteous. I always hold the door for people whenever I can at least. I have even been known to hold the door for multiple people causing me to become seperated from my group where ever I happened to be at the time. I agree with you in that there is a lack of courtesy in today’s society. From my experience though, and please please take no offense to this, I am kind of gun shy in that in the past I have offered pregnant women help with this or that, and they have given me “the look” or even told me they “didn’t need my help, and how dare I offer”, like I was offending them by saying they couldn’t do it themselves. I realize that not everyone is like that and I continue to offer my help. It’s part of who I am. I love to be helpful and courteous. Helpful is another point in the Scout Law. I found your site through Bloggy Moms, and will be following from now on. I hope you can find some time to take a look at my blog and let me know what you think. I am a SAHDad. Great post, loved that you said what was on your mind.

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  16. March 10, 2011 @ 10:26 am

    I never EXPECTED special treatment, but working in restaurants, I got an awful lot of, “go sit down you are going to drop that kid right here,” or “Put that down!” For things that were less than ten pounds.

    We ALWAYS hold the door for people behind us. But usually it’s only older people that you see do it for us.

    As a mom, I’m making sure to teach me kids not-common-anymore courtesy. Only we can change it.

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  17. March 10, 2011 @ 11:01 am

    I always hold the door open, because i find it so rude when people don’t do that for me! Especially when my hands are totally full!

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  18. March 10, 2011 @ 11:13 am

    I’m with ya. When I was about 8 months pregnant with my daughter, and just finishing up work before my maternity leave, I still often had to take public transit home from the office. I remember one day when I was standing on a full bus, and nobody – NOBODY! – would give me their seat. There were kids, grown, healthy looking men and women in suits, they noticed me but turned their eyes away. I literally started to get hot, and dizzy – I felt like I was going to pass out… About half way home, I ended up having to get off the bus. I sat down on the bus bench and just cried… I couldn’t help it, I was partially appalled and partially just exhausted! Thankfully, my husband was finishing work and was able to pick me up on his way home. Might I add that my daughter decided to make an early appearance and was born 2 weeks later. Some people are just jerks.

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    • March 10, 2011 @ 11:40 am

      Kristin, wow, see, this is the kind of thing I am talking about. It is just mind-blowing to me that in these situations, no one steps up to help.

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  19. March 10, 2011 @ 11:16 am

    Not really sure who was responsible in my life ( imagine it was my Mum) or perhaps I do have an old soul where chivalry and courtesy weren’t as short in supply as they are now?
    Irregardless, taking an extra moment or two to linger for a woman pregnant or otherwise to hold a door is something I do automatically. In all fairness, it is also a practice and courtesy I extend to men as well.

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  20. March 10, 2011 @ 11:29 am
    ann b

    It is dying in many places -I too live in a small community in Mississippi, where we are lucky enough where the door is still opened or being held open when you are a few steps behind. What really irritates me is the lack of manners today in many of the young people coming up today . Listening to some of them on tv today makes me want to go shake their parents(a lot of them celebrities)–When this comes up in conversations , some say well they weren’t taught manners when they were young. can’t buy that anymore. How about the simple rule of life and that is “TREAT OTHERS THEY WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED”

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  21. March 10, 2011 @ 11:34 am

    I don’t think common courtesy is completely dead. I have experiences all the time where people leave the door open for me. It’s the one time it doesn’t happen and I’m like you, I get really annoyed. I’m not sure what it is…I guess I get annoyed because I wouldn’t do that on purpose to someone. I might say though common courtesy when driving is almost dead. LOL

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  22. March 10, 2011 @ 11:42 am
    Lorna Schuster

    I think some old school ways need a come back. I’d keep the door open for anyone that close to me when entering a place, and I wouldn’t care if you were pregnant, old, a less thoughtful teenager, gym buff, or green-and-purple polka-dotted fairy. It’s just courtesy — although not as common as it once was. I think urban populations are less courteous because of a broader mix of customary behaviors. I find the problem less of a problem in the more rural community I now live in.

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  23. March 10, 2011 @ 11:46 am

    Dear Crissy,
    Here in southern Ohio, we have the most courteous people in the state. When my daughter served as constituent aide for Governor Strickland, the callers from southern Ohio were the most polite and usually ended with “Thank you!” no matter how disturbing the issues were that they were facing, often dire circumstances due to their poverty level. Callers, however, from northeastern Ohio would often be loud, yelling obscenities, while they demanded concessions not applied to the general population, as if entitled, with very little courtesy extended for help received. Substitute teachers have many, many times told me their preference for teaching at the rural local school where manners were much more obvious than in the city school system from both students and staff. My answer to your question, therefore, “Is Common Courtesy Dead?” is that, while it may be dead in some areas, it is alive and well in southern Ohio!

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    • March 10, 2011 @ 11:50 am

      Rhonda, I know that there are loads of nice, friendly folks here in our area, but I can’t tell you how many times I am walking behind someone into a store and they let the door slam in my face. I noticed it more when I was pregnant, and it really just seemed like most people didn’t care.

      Women, particularly older women, were the exception. Probably moms. :)

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  24. March 10, 2011 @ 11:55 am

    All four of my pregnancies I felt I got special treatment. To the point where it was annoying actually. So common courtesy is still alive and well, somewhere out there! I must have just looked helpless lol. I’ve always had people TELLING me thati need to sit down, I can’t possibly lift that,do I need help with this, etc. I am very independent though and I can’t stand when anyone feels sorry for me or thinks I am helpless because I’m not, even at 9 months pregnant.

    But yes, I do believe pregnant women should get some kind of special treatment. When I see someone pregnant or elderly and I am sitting and they are not, there’s not question that need to get my butt up and give them my seat.

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  25. March 10, 2011 @ 11:56 am

    I’m lucky to live in a community that has very kind people. Random people stop to talk to you, and say just nice things. Doors are always being help open. Occasionally you’ll get someone who doesn’t hold the door. I’m always very impressed when little 8 or 9 year old boys hold the door open for me. I don’t think pregnant women need special treatment, but I do think everyone deserves to be treated special, and with common courtesy.

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  26. March 10, 2011 @ 12:10 pm

    I don’t know…People still hold the door open for me, and I for them. I still see parents teaching their children to hold open doors. I had people offer to help me when I was pregnant too. My grocery store even has special parking places for pregnant women. Maybe that’s just Rochester though these days?

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  27. March 10, 2011 @ 12:35 pm

    I think that common courtesy has fallen by the wayside some. Part of it is that everyone is so consumed with what they are doing and where they need to be that sometimes they forget to consider other people. I always make extra effort to help people out though.

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  28. March 10, 2011 @ 12:36 pm

    One of the things I was struck by most when I first met my husband was his complete awareness of common courtesy. He’s always gone out of his way to help little old ladies, hold open doors, and even one time carrying a stroller down a flight of stairs for a woman juggling 3 kiddos. I picked on him about it a little, telling him he didn’t have to do those things just to impress me, but it turns out that’s just how he is. I don’t always agree with the things he was taught growing up, and heaven only knows his mother and I don’t see eye to eye on much, but that’s one thing she did well – she taught him to look for people to help in every situation. Because that’s his nature, I’ve already seen ways he’s teaching our oldest daughter to be the same way, both verbally and by example.
    As far as pregnancy and special treatment…lol, I have an unusual opinion of that. When I was pregnant with my first, I had a level of expectation that people would drop everything to help me. I do live in Texas, so I think the people here are just more courteous as a whole, so for the most part I was right. Doors were held, grocery carry outs offered at every trip, I even had stock boys walking by offer to get things off the shelf for me that might be too high or too heavy. For some reason though, with me second pregnancy, I snapped. I DIDN’T want special treatment, I just wanted to be normal. I can’t even tell you how many times I said the phrase “I’m pregnant, not handicapped!” to my friends/family/hubby. When strangers would make reference to my being pregnant and sayhow I should “take it easy” or “oh, let me do that for you” I could feel my face get red and it made me so angry! I’m not sure what the difference was for me. Maybe it was because I had a rough pregnancy early on and I was put on bed rest for a while. I was so eager after that to get up and around and prove that I was ok. I worked (I’m a photographer, so the hours/scheduling was super flexible and all up to me) up until 3 weeks before #2 was born, even though I was in a lot of pain (round ligament and baby laying on a nerve wrong pain) because for some reason I felt like I had something to prove. Even now, with a 3 week old newborn, I’m still trying to be superwoman and keep up with household chores and everyday life. I even have a photo shoot scheduled for this weekend!! I really can’t pinpoint the difference no matter how I’ve tried. I will say though, I reserved the right to pull the “but honey, the BABY needs it” card when I was craving something…and I did that for both pregnancies!!!! :)

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  29. March 10, 2011 @ 12:45 pm

    Unfortunately there’s a total lack of consideration running rampant in our society today. It extends to general common courtesy to all other human beings, but I think it’s especially flagrant when these social fouls are in disregard of pregnant woman. I couldn’t believe how rude people could be even when I was pregnant with my daughter and had my 2-year-old in tow as well! I shouldn’t say all people though because some, generally other understanding Mommies, were helpful, but some definitely were too busy being self-involved…. The lack of manners is just sad.

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  30. March 10, 2011 @ 12:47 pm
    Chris

    Courtesy sure is almost dead especially while driving down here on the streets of miami. I, for one, was raised primarly by my grandmother who taught me about manners. Even down to when a man and a woman are walking down the street on the sidewalk, the man should always be on the outside or closest to the street. Those days are long gone. Also pregnant women should be shown every courtest, if they can go through what they go through for 9 months, then they should be shown double the ciurtesy.

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  31. March 10, 2011 @ 12:50 pm

    I think it really depends on where you live. Here in this small town, everyone is very courteous. Doors are held open, people say “please/thank you” and “excuse me” when they bump into you. In a much larger sitting just 5 minutes down the road, you’re more likely to get a door dropped right in front of you.

    As for pregnant women, no I don’t think special treatment is needed or should be expected. Pregnancy is tiresome and sometimes painful, but it’s not a handicap. I’d much rather see grocery clerks helping the disabled than a perfectly healthy and capable pregnant woman.

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    • March 10, 2011 @ 2:05 pm

      I feel that it is an absolute no-brainer for a clerk to ask a woman with a burgeoning pregnant belly if she could use some help getting her heavy groceries loaded into the car. It just seems so basic to me. The same for elderly people. My grandmother is 76 years old, and while she is perfectly CAPABLE of putting her groceries into the car, that’s not the point.

      Also, pregnancy might as well be a handicap in some cases, it’s a pretty broad range of experience, that quite often goes far beyond a little pain and discomfort.

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    • March 10, 2011 @ 2:28 pm

      Gosh, I have to disagree. I think pregnant women do deserve some special treatment and I definitely expected to have doors held open and have the supermarket attendant take my cart out for me.

      Pretty much every pregnant woman I know suffered at least one symptom early on in her pregnancy, from terrible nausea to awful back pain, cramping, tiredness, dizziness, and more. Not to mention, most women are recommended not to do any lifting of anything over 10lb (this could include grocery bags!) during the first trimester at least. Pregnancy is not always easy- after all, we are growing a new person!

      While a pregnant woman might definitely be capable of putting her grocery bags in the car, it sure is courteous for the attendant to escort her out and give her a little help. Common courtesy and consideration really goes a long way.

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      • March 11, 2011 @ 12:13 am

        I don’t know, I guess it just seems silly to me. If I can walk in to the store while pregnant, put the groceries in the cart while pregnant, put them on the belt while pregnant, surely I can push the cart back out the door and put a few bags in the trunk while pregnant.

        I suppose I could understand if you’re doing major shopping all at once but I guess I just look at the way I shop, which is a few items here and there throughout the week.

  32. March 10, 2011 @ 12:57 pm

    I’m so glad that I live in the South and there are still others here who practice Southern Hospitality and help others as well. When someone doesn’t I usually give them a look, like “gee thanks”. My stepson is 20 years old and boy do I constantly remind him of how to be contentious of others. I do see him do nice things without me saying anything and then I have a great reward. He hates hugs, but I don’t care..LOL

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  33. March 10, 2011 @ 1:16 pm

    Because I think there’s a lack of common courtesy, I’ve taught my boys since a young age to open doors for women and the elderly. Can I just say something politically INcorrect? I think as a society, we’ve taken that away from men by being the women who don’t need that kind of thing anymore. Seriously, how many ladies are having their doors opened by men as they get out of a car? Sure we don’t “need” it, but it either has to Start somewhere or Dissintegrate somewhere. And it diesn’t just have to be a man doing these things. I lead by example when it comes to holding doors helping someone carry something heavy, etc. It’s basically seeing those around us as more important than ourselves and acting on it.

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  34. March 10, 2011 @ 1:21 pm

    OH wow. You have touched on one of my major pet peeves.
    There does seem to be an extinction in terms of common courtesy, not just for pregnant women, but EVERYWHERE.

    And, hello? I live in the South. It’s supposed to be all about the Southern Hospitality and what-have-you.

    I have three kids. Two of which are boys. While I am trying to teach the girl (practically a woman) about equality for women, I am also trying to instill a sense of chivalry in my boys. The bottom line for all three is that you have to give respect to get it. So we are all about the niceties…giving up a seat for a lady/adult, holding the door for those walking behind, please, thank you, sir and ma’am.

    Great post. I hope everyone reads this.

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    • March 10, 2011 @ 2:11 pm

      Heather, I feel so lucky to be married to a man who has not only a deep respect for women, but for everyone, particularly elderly people. He will go out of his way to help a little old man or woman. He was also raised to address people with Sir and Ma’am. I love that about him.

      I also want to teach my son to be this way.

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  35. March 10, 2011 @ 1:47 pm

    I find people to be fairly courteous in my area, I can’t remember feeling offended by a lack of it at least. I also was treated “special” by many people when I was pregnant. I think pregnant women do deserve special treatment. Yes, they are doing something very common that most women will do in their life. But they are also doing something sacred, and essential to our survival!

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  36. March 10, 2011 @ 2:01 pm

    Yeah…I don’t think it’s just you, or just pregnant women, unfortunately. When I encounter a really blatant, obnoxious lack of courtesy, I usually make some kind of comment (not rude, mind you) like, “OH, no, no, no, don’t mind me…I can get that for both of us,” or something to that effect (in a Seinfeld-ian sort of way). It’s never really said loud enough for the offending stranger to hear, but usually is just meant for the enjoyment of my companion and myself. It helps ease the frustration with the pure lack of consideration for others. It is very frustrating…but I have found that when I am polite, which I always am with strangers, that they often respond positively, which is somewhat helpful in alleviating the annoyance of all the other ignoramuses. :)

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  37. March 10, 2011 @ 2:39 pm

    Common courtesy is not totally dead. I think it’s probably a 60/40 chance that someone will hold the door open for me if I’m following them in a building. Publix grocery stores around here regularly ask parents if they would like help to their car with the groceries (and they even have a sign that specifically prohibits you from tipping the helper because it is part of their job). It’s not as common as it used to be, but it’s still alive and well.

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  38. March 10, 2011 @ 2:48 pm

    I think common courtesy is dead with the majority. My husband and I still practice common courtesy. We hold doors open for people, give our seats up for the elderly, say please/thank you/excuse me. However, I’m appalled at the lack of common courtesy given to pregnant women. I know the during the nearly two years I spent pregnant with both girls, no one ever offered their seat to me in a crowded room, despite my obvious discomfort and tiredness. No one offered to help me with anything. Even now when I’m struggling carrying bags and have two kids in tow, it’s very rare that anyone will hold open a door for me. I think it’s ridiculous and very disheartening.

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  39. March 10, 2011 @ 2:55 pm

    I definitely think region plays a role in this issue. I am from the South and was raised in a “Yes ma’am, no sir” household. I live in Chicago now, and it astounds me how few people will give up their seats for a pregnant woman, elderly individual, or person with small children on the CTA busses and trains!

    Whether or not common courtesy is dead, I’m not sure. I suppose rude people have always existed!

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  40. March 10, 2011 @ 2:58 pm

    I’ve seen both the good and not so courteous lately. When I was pregant, people helped me out a lot. I noticed they don’t help so much when you are holding the baby though which is interesting. I truly believe it’s lead by example. We are showing our little ones to treat others respecfully by our actions and then there’s always the little reminders to say “please” and “thank-you.” Pretty cool when I see my little guy helping others, like when a new boy was in school and he showed him around, etc… great points in your post to think about.

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  41. March 10, 2011 @ 3:18 pm

    I agree there does seem to be less respect. It still amazes me the way people react when I say please or thank you to them, it’s like I just gave them money or something – I guess no one expects courtesy anymore. My husband offers his help if someone is having a hard time with something while we’re walking through a parking lot or holds the door open for someone if their just on the other side and lets them pass by first. What I find odd is being addressed as “you guys” by young waiters and waitresses. What ever happened to sir or miss ?

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  42. March 10, 2011 @ 3:45 pm

    I will never forget a lady that I used to work with who was horrible about keeping the door open. We always arrived to work at the same time and it never failed that I would be behind her as we entered the building. She was three times my size, yet could squeeze through the smallest crack and would literally let the door slam in my face. No exaggeration. Drove me insane. Maybe she hated me.

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  43. March 10, 2011 @ 5:53 pm

    I definitely think that there is a lack of common courtesy these days.

    I always hold open the door for the person behind me. That is just how I was raised. I make my kids do the same thing. I tell them to be the door men and they love it. I love that they are being courteous.

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  44. March 10, 2011 @ 6:09 pm
    nycsinglemom

    Common courtesy is so random but I do agree how little exists for at the minimum pregnant women. I can not tell how many times a WOMAN will give up their subway seat to a pregnant women before a man does. Men will literally bow their head so they can’t see her. Its nuts.
    http://www.nycsinglemom.com

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  45. March 10, 2011 @ 7:41 pm

    I think it depends on where you are at… At my workplace where we know each other there is a lot more common courtesy going around.
    However, when out and about people seem more oblivious to the world around them. People are always on their phones or gadgets too much to notice the human beings around them. Sometimes they are so focused on their task they don’t realize that other people exist.
    How many times do you see someone on their phone while the cashier is ringing up their items, and they are totally ignoring the cashier- or at fast food places, people ask whoever they are on the phone with to hold on while they order but never apologize to the cashier that they are on their phone.
    AND when we moved to our new duplex I was clearly talking on my phone and I had a new neighbor go off on me. and she couldn’t understand why I asked her to hold on a moment while I tried to explain to the person I was on the phone with that some crazy woman was yelling at me. I don’t understand people.
    Please, and Thank You have totally flown out the window as well.

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  46. March 10, 2011 @ 8:05 pm

    I was just discussing this with a group of people on facebook the other day and the answers were very appalling. Some of the guys were basically stating that since women decided they wanted to be “equal” to men and more “independent”, it mean that chivalry shouldn’t be an option. It sucks that the people of today even think like this. I always hold doors for people behind me, male or female. It’s just the most courteous thing to do. Nobody likes having a door swung in their face and I think that’s something that everyone can agree with, even males. I wish that more chivalrous people existed in this world… I find it insane that people were basically that nonchalant to the fact that you were a pregnant woman that needed help. It’s a shame!

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  47. March 10, 2011 @ 8:17 pm

    I’d say common courtesy exists in places….occasionally. I have to admit, though, when I met my southerner hubby 10+ years ago and he kept holding the door open for me it felt…weird. Yet nice. My boss holds the door open for me and it feels weird at times. I guess as a business woman you want to be treated equally. So I hold the door for him sometimes. Just to make him feel a little weird.

    As for pregnant women, well, despite being pregnant before I’d say they ought to suck it up :) You decide to get pregnant, deal with the consequences. It isn’t like a handicap!

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  48. March 10, 2011 @ 8:28 pm
    Amie

    My husband doesn’t even open the door for me. Not even when I was pregnant. I think it depends on where you live too I think. When visited Tennesee I couldn’t believe how courteous people were.

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  49. March 10, 2011 @ 9:27 pm

    I use a wheelchair and it’s very common that others will hold a door open for me.

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  50. March 10, 2011 @ 9:53 pm
    Lauralee Hensley

    In the town I’m in you usually only see older men hold open the door for the next person.
    However, once we were in New Mexico and the people there were super nice about things like that. The men in town even all stopped and took off their hats if a hearse went by. No lie. I mean there could have been hundreds of people walking around on the sidewalks and when a hearse went by (which happened on more than one occasion that we saw) the people stopped in respect and the men lowered their hats from their heads to their chests.
    So, maybe it’s more certain parts of the country. I am see a great lack of it in my area though.

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  51. March 10, 2011 @ 10:52 pm

    I remember when I was 8 months pregnant, plagued with sciatica, and miserable. There was no parking at the hospital except for blocks away, or a “IT loading zone”. I was just running in for a second, and I let the security guard know that I had parked there for a few minutes because I couldn’t walk much further due to my sciatica. His response, to my very pregnant self, “Well you may get towed”.
    I was devastated. What a lack of courtesy and a complete show of disrespect to both a pregnancy and person in general. It was he who would be responsible for calling a towe truck… I mean geez. How often did IT load anything anyways?
    It made me realize that chivalry is dead.
    I also am noticing door holding in general is occurring less and less.

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  52. March 10, 2011 @ 11:42 pm

    Hi Crissy, I am visiting you from bloggymoms.

    I def. think there is a lack of respect for one another in our culture today. It’s really sad that we try to raise decent children with respect and morals when all they see is a world that lacks that in every aspect. So we try harder and hopefully they will get a glimpse into a life that could be. I know when I was pregnant (I have 4) with each of mine, I was very appreciative for someone wanting to hold the door open for me especially when I had to manage a stroller and other children. That’s hard to do PEOPLE! LOL :) So now that I am not pregnant, I always make sure to hold the door and help in any way I can when I see a woman with a stroller.

    Shannon
    join me at http://www.joyblessedchaos.blogspot.com

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  53. March 11, 2011 @ 2:16 pm

    I think in some places it is dead. I also find it to be generational. When I lived in Miami, FL I definitely noticed a big difference in politeness and courtesy as compared to my Midwest upbringing. I now live in southwest Ohio and find most people to be very kind … I missed that when I was elsewhere.

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  54. March 11, 2011 @ 9:43 pm

    I ran into the perfect example of lack of common courtesy today. While we were out shopping, a grown man, probably in his mid 40′s let a door slam shut right in my 3 year old daughter’s face (I was a step behind her). After I recovered from the shock, a little girl, probably 8 or 9 years old opened the door back up and held it for us. I truly wanted to hug that little girl for having the manners that even an adult couldn’t manage.

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  55. March 12, 2011 @ 11:43 pm

    Same thing happened to me. I’d get the occasional nice people to help me out. Even when I was working at a restaurant as a hostess and 8 months pregnant and been standing for 4 hours, when someone came in asking for a high chair that I had to reach so high to get I only remember ONE person telling me he could get it! I mean we’re carrying life in our belly’s and you’d think more people would hold the door or help us out!

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  56. March 14, 2011 @ 10:38 pm

    I’ve been pregnant in 3 different states and I’d have to say it was 50/50 on if someone noticed and was courteous or not. Since then my middle child had a stroke and is now in a wheelchair. I frequently shop while pushing his wheelchair and pulling a cart behind me, keeping my hyper 3 yr old from wandering and my 7 year old from killing her sister. Almost no one holds the door open for me in this case. I am a 100 times more tired now than I ever was when pregnant. People let their kids push my sons wheelchair out of the way like he’s invisible or they try and shield their kids from him. I want to tell them that a stroke isn’t contagious but I keep my mouth shut. I really think people have lost the art of courtesy and while we’ve become more aware of things like disabilities and pregnancy people don’t seem to know how to react to either.

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  57. May 25, 2011 @ 6:24 pm
    Chief Brody

    There is no courtesy any more in the usa. But in bussiness it’s even worse. Ignoring letters, blowing off business requests, ignoring emails. Its all so common. Its sad that the usa is dead. All of these things destroy society. The fall of community, fathers, family all point to a very ugly future for the usa. However, it all comes down to people. People reflect what is in their hearts. Disrespecting others is fashionable and businesses practice this often. Customer service is dead. Sucks that I am living thru the fall of the usa. No amount of $$$, female/black presidents, bailouts or Lady Gaga’s can save this place. It’s moral and social corruption operate on a totally different level. Disrespect and injustice are ‘common’ now in the usa. Just accept that it’s over. The usa is over. What’s left is a corporate $$ oriented, anti-male/family/human society. That sells war, lewdness, hate and sickness to the world.

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  58. June 3, 2012 @ 1:17 am
    Lynnette Watkins

    Yes, common courtesy is disappearing. I remember when I was pregnant I could get a seat and the bus or people would hold the door for me. Now that when I see people ignore each other it’s breaks my heart. I am teaching my 7 year old to be a gentlemen and I say it loud for other men to hear. For example we were going the doctors and I told him to always let ladies on the bus first. It made me smile when a man listening insisted I get on the bus before him. I am going to make sure he will be courteous to all women, pregnant ladies too.

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  59. October 2, 2012 @ 6:28 pm
    Emily B

    Just ask my husband, I rant about how incosiderate and un-courteous (if that’s a word) people are of other people!! Lol The one that gets me, is when I’m driving and someone’s walking across a crosswalk, or I am trying to make a right hand turn, but I see someone crossing the street and they’re really close to me, so I slow down and wait (even though I probably could have made it) and they just take their sweet ol’ time getting to the other side! Drives me crazy! And I’m not talking about people with disabilities or pregnant women, or obese people…..I’m talking about teens or 20-something punk kids who think the world revolves around them and that I have nothing better to do than to wait 10 minutes for them to go 10 feet! Even I, when I was pregnant AND carrying my almost 2 year old in a back carrier, I made a point to hurry up so I don’t make people wait on me! Aaaannnddd I always used a crosswalk, even when I had to go out of my way, instead of dodging cars! Okay okay, rant over….for now! My husband would thank you that I got my daily rant about inconsiderate people out on you so he doesn’t hear it! ;)

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