Life Right Now

When I gave birth to Evan in 2009, I was literally brimming with stories that I wanted to share about him and about the magic of motherhood. Some of you may be scoffing, but being a new mom really did feel magical for me. It still does!

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There were tough moments as a first time mom, but generally, I was on a high. I wanted to share my experiences as a mother with the world, and I did. I was memory-keeping in my own digital way, and it felt important to get those thoughts and feelings out there. I had already been sharing pieces of my life online since 1996, so settling into the mom-blogging sphere was only natural.

By the time Kara was born, I still wanted to share the moments of my daily life as a mom, but it became more difficult to make it happen. Having a toddler and a newborn isn’t exactly a cake walk (though, my kids were healthy so I realize it made my experience so simple compared to what many go through) and the sleepless nights were a little less magical the second time around.

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As the kids continued to grow and mature, it suddenly felt a little strange talking about every little milestone. It isn’t that I’m not proud and constantly amazed. It’s just that I’m a little more protective of those moments now. I still share snippets of our life and will probably continue to do so, but less frequently and with a gentler handling.

That said, I still like taking inventory and writing about the kids from time to time. I do look back on these blog posts as a sort of diary, and often, it’s the only way I actively document the small moments in our lives. I’d like to say that I’m a scrapbooking queen or that I take pictures of absolutely everything, but it’s not true. Life gets hectic and sometimes just living in the moment and absorbing the memories is all I can do and all I want to do.

Life right now follows a pretty steady rhythm. There are crazy moments at least a dozen times every day, but compared to having an infant or a toddler (or both), ages six and almost four are easy.

Evan is maturing dramatically every single day. He’s beginning to resemble a small teenager in a lot of ways, and I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t strike just a touch of fear in me. At his core, he’s still the same sweet and thoughtful child that I gave birth to. His deep brown eyes are full of soul and he is more articulate than many adults I know. He also has an emotional depth that truly amazes me at times. He is a deeply caring and feeling young man. He is inventive, curious and hardworking. Evan is just an incredible person and my favorite little guy in the whole wide world.

Sometimes I feel guilty for having written so little about Kara on my blog. The fact is, Kara was a live wire from day one and she has really kept me on my toes. She was a colicky baby and a very stubborn toddler. She’s really beginning to come into her own now and that sassy spirit contrasts nicely with her sweet, loving side that shines like the sun.

Kara is smart and loves to learn. She is shy in public but quite the chatterbox at home. I can see a lot of myself in her when I watch how she interacts at school. I was always quiet and studios as a little girl, too. She loves to pretend and she feels the most proud when she can accomplish tasks on her own.

The toughest thing I’m dealing with parenting-wise right now (and I’m lucky, because it’s a very normal phase) is some sibling rivalry. I’m breaking up squabbling most of the time, but again, I know that I’m lucky to have such normalcy when it comes to my kids and our minor issues.

What’s strange is coming to this age where I’m 99% sure I’m done having children, but that 1% chance that we could make the decision to have one more sort of looms over my head. At age 36, I know that I don’t have too many more years to ponder that possibility.

It makes me sad in a way when I think about the baby phase being gone forever. There have been many times when I thought three would be the number, and equal moments when the thought of one more child makes me literally feel panicked to the bone!

How many kids do you have, and how did you know when you were truly done?

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