On my first Mother’s Day

Two years ago

My life was completely different. Zach and I had recently moved into our house, and while things were good, my biological clock was ticking out of control. I can remember vividly feeling sad that I was not yet able to celebrate Mother’s day. I had such a strong urge to be a mother that it was somewhat debilitating at times, particularly on holidays, and while we weren’t officially trying to conceive yet, I knew that I wanted to have a baby, and I knew that I wanted to be celebrating Mother’s day by the time I was 30.

One year ago

I was six months pregnant with Evan. I was beyond the misery of my first trimester, and on the brink of more misery in my third. While I was grateful to be pregnant, and certainly looking forward to meeting my baby, I was also filled with a lot of anxiety and trepidation at this time. I’ve never written about it publicly, but during the first trimester of my pregnancy with Evan, I received some “borderline” results on one of my screenings. As if a pregnant Mom doesn’t have enough to worry about, I carried some additional fear with me throughout my pregnancy, and it’s taken me more than a year to be able to even talk about that, because it was so traumatizing. The thing about first trimester screenings is that they are JUST screenings! I learned the moment I saw my beautiful kid, that he was perfect in every way, and that in fact there was absolutely nothing wrong. He’s the smartest, most handsome kid ever!

mother's day

Today

I celebrated my first official Mother’s Day. I could write a novel about the happiness, fulfillment, and peace that motherhood has brought me, but I will simply say that this is one of those special instances in life where the thing I wished for, prayed for, and dreamed about is actually even better than I ever could have fathomed. My sweet, perfect little boy handed me my first Mother’s Day card today, with a little help from Daddy, of course. The card played a song, and Evan was just as excited about it as I was. Looking at his face today, I can’t help but think to myself that this is it, and I am absolutely, without question, the luckiest Mom on earth.

To the Mom’s and Mom’s to be reading along, happy Mother’s Day. To those of you trying to conceive, or just dreaming of having a little one of your own, I pray that you get your wish.

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