The one and only ever you

When I was pregnant for Evan, I knew that love was on it’s way. I knew that I would adore this little boy for the rest of my life, and that he would become my world. I knew that.

However, it was a shallow understanding compared to the true tidal wave that is motherhood.

It is huge. It is full of joy, but also a kind of love that is so deep and so strong that it quite literally hurts. Seeing him grow up makes me ache deeply. I am suddenly so aware of my own mortality, and I know that we can not just live as we are, with him still small enough to scoop up and cover in so many kisses, forever.

On the night you were born,
The moon smiled with such wonder
That the stars peeked in to see you
And the night wind whispered,
“Life will never be the same.”
Because there had never been anyone like you…ever in the world. — Nancy Tillman

There are moments, usually when he is asleep at night and I am sitting up alone working, that I am just totally overwhelmed at the thought of him. What was my life before I was his mom? It’s funny, because I look at my life, and know that my primary purpose for being on this earth is to raise this child. There was a time in my life when I would have thought that was not enough, but now, I know that it is more than I could ever dream of asking for.

Also? I’m pretty convinced that being a mom turns you into an emotional basket case.


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