Dear Crissy

The one and only ever you

When I was pregnant for Evan, I knew that love was on it’s way. I knew that I would adore this little boy for the rest of my life, and that he would become my world. I knew that.

However, it was a shallow understanding compared to the true tidal wave that is motherhood.

It is huge. It is full of joy, but also a kind of love that is so deep and so strong that it quite literally hurts. Seeing him grow up makes me ache deeply. I am suddenly so aware of my own mortality, and I know that we can not just live as we are, with him still small enough to scoop up and cover in so many kisses, forever.

On the night you were born,
The moon smiled with such wonder
That the stars peeked in to see you
And the night wind whispered,
“Life will never be the same.”
Because there had never been anyone like you…ever in the world. — Nancy Tillman

There are moments, usually when he is asleep at night and I am sitting up alone working, that I am just totally overwhelmed at the thought of him. What was my life before I was his mom? It’s funny, because I look at my life, and know that my primary purpose for being on this earth is to raise this child. There was a time in my life when I would have thought that was not enough, but now, I know that it is more than I could ever dream of asking for.

Also? I’m pretty convinced that being a mom turns you into an emotional basket case.

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16 Comments

  1. Angela — January 28, 2011 @ 2:45 am (#)

    I agree with everything you said… especially the last line :) *sniffle*

    Reply

  2. Hilary — January 28, 2011 @ 2:56 am (#)

    Crissy, It’s so funny you would post something like this because I was having those thoughts just today. I knew I would love my son too, but it’s just overwhelming what I feel for him! It’s crazy to think of my life without him, and I just love him so much.

    and yes. I think becoming a mom does turn you into an emotional basket case. :P

    Reply

  3. Adriana — January 28, 2011 @ 3:14 am (#)

    So very true! I was already in tears by the time I read “emotional basket case”!

    Reply

  4. Shell — January 28, 2011 @ 3:21 am (#)

    Oh, yes: emotional basketcase: check!

    Reply

  5. BigMamaCass — January 28, 2011 @ 3:23 am (#)

    Emotional basket case pretty much sums it up!! :)

    Reply

  6. Hanan — January 28, 2011 @ 4:09 am (#)

    Being a young mom, I always think what would my life be had I not had kids yet. I start to think about it and know, that it would be nothing compared to what I have with them!

    Totally agree with you on being an emotional basket case. Just ask my husband!

    Reply

  7. Heather Lilly — January 28, 2011 @ 4:45 am (#)

    Perfectly said! Emotional basketcases unite. ;)

    Reply

  8. Jessica — January 28, 2011 @ 6:14 am (#)

    I couldn’t agree with you more. Not only am I a basketcase but I can’t watch any movies where children are terminally ill or die or parents die leaving (young) children behind it will cause me to sob for hours! I also had a best friend lose her 7 mo old baby in a car accident so I’m super paranoid about my boys in a car. I’m a wreck, basically… But I wouldn’t have it any other way. My boys are my world :) (I need a tissue now)

    Reply

  9. Nichol — January 28, 2011 @ 8:44 am (#)

    Excellent and so true. Motherhood changes you completely. I’ve been an emotional basket case for the last 8 years and let me tell you it doesn’t ever get easier.

    Reply

  10. lei — January 28, 2011 @ 11:42 am (#)

    Awesome, “girl you know its true!”

    Reply

  11. katherine — January 28, 2011 @ 1:57 pm (#)

    We received that book as a gift when I was pregnant with Rylee. The first time I read it to her I cried. I love that book.

    You know the one that gets me every.single.time? “I love you forever”

    Reply

  12. Teresa — January 29, 2011 @ 8:26 am (#)

    Following from bloghop…would love to have you follow back at http://funfritzfamily.bloghop.com/

    Reply

  13. ElizOF — January 29, 2011 @ 4:55 pm (#)

    This is such a beautiful post ad the accompanying photo is special. We are all emotional baskets when it comes to the kids. Following your blog from Survey Junkie’s blog hop.
    Elizabeth

    Reply

  14. Rachel — January 29, 2011 @ 7:45 pm (#)

    I can totally relate to this and I agree. It’s incredible. My 11-mo-old daughter stayed with my mom this weekend so my husband and I could have some alone time, and it was amazing to be “unattached” – however I missed her so badly at times it HURT. It seems to be getting worse as she grows and becomes her own little person with a personality. I love her so much it truly is unexplainable. And I also agree with your last line. I’m getting that lump in my throat just typing this and thinking about it!

    Reply

  15. Lisa from Life with Lisa — February 1, 2011 @ 7:27 pm (#)

    Isn’t that the truth…wait until he is a Senior in high school…it is the scariest thing ever!

    Reply

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