Along came a spider

Yesterday, while sitting on our sofa, I noticed Kara staring at the cushion beside me. Her eyes were even bigger than usual, and she was chanting something.

She was repeating, “pedder, pedder, pedder.”

I looked down, and sure enough, an enormous spider was just chillaxing on the sofa about two inches away from my left thigh.

Of course, I nearly knocked Kara down trying to get away. I’ll admit it, I LOSE MY MIND when I see a spider.

The thing about spiders, when you’re a mom, is that you CAN NOT LET THE SPIDER GET AWAY. The idea of a giant spider escaping into the hollow depths of my sofa is just too much to handle. I MUST know that the spider is dead, so, even though I would rather swallow shards of broken glass than approach and kill a spider with my own two hands, when my husband isn’t here, its my motherly duty to seek and destroy. I can’t risk letting it get away, only to crawl into bed with one of my kids. No.

Before I had kids, I took a more calculated approach to spider-killing. You know, spraying one with an entire bottle of hair spray in an effort to disorient it, right before pounding it to death with a broom from three feet away, and then shaking its over-sprayed, broom-straw-ravaged carcass into the toilet.

It’s a great method for a single person, but as a mom, I just grab a shoe and make short work of things.

After I took care of the spider—and I apologize if my murderous-spider-speak is offensive to any nature-lovers who are reading along—I realized something. I thought that when Kara saw the spider, she was actually trying to say SPIDER, SPIDER, SPIDER, but, then, it hit me.

She wasn’t saying SPIDER at all. She was saying… pet her. Kara says, “pedder, pedder, pedder,” any time she sees a dog or a cat.

She wanted to PET IT.

Coming to that realization skeeved me out all over again.

The images below just make me laugh. Disclaimer: I couldn’t find legit sources for these, and please don’t think I’m insensitive to anyone who has suffered the loss of a home by fire. This is really just spider-humor for folks like me who are big babies.

spider-bath-tub

I live in the country and we have a LOT of spiders in the summer. I’ve definitely ran away from the shower like this a time or two!

spider-burn-house-down

I am also aware that spiders help keep our ecosystem in balance, and that they eat more harmful insects like mosquitos. I know. I still don’t want to touch or see another one, you know, ever.

Please tell me I am not the only one who goes nuts when seeing a spider. I’m not, right?

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45 comments

  1. You are NOT the only one!  Had a friend who was deathly afraid of spiders -I mean she totally freaked out when she saw one. Imagine mt concern when we were driving down the road in her brand new car  and looked over to see a very large spider on her shoulder.  I calmly told her to pull over into a parking lot, stop the car and get out. She thought I was nuts but finally complied.  When she was out of the car I pointed out the situation — thought I was going to have to call the paramedics she truly freaked out. At least the car was still new looking!

  2. I grew up in an area with an endemic black widow population…so spiders aren’t my favorite! I try to be more logical about them now, I let let the little ones set up in the windowsill, corners of the basement or outside live. To this day, I do not leave my garden gloves or shoes outside. I also smash my glove fingers carefully before sticking my fingers in, and I am always a little freaked out about getting wood from the woodpile (but also because there was a snake there one time!). My littlest girl hates spiders, and my oldest takes the “live and let live” approach. My oldest was horrified last week when my youngest saw a daddy long leg crawling across the carpet and she demanded I smash it. J said, “E, spiders eat other bugs, don’t, don’t, don’t kill it”, and E said, “I don’t care, smash it mommy, smash it!”

  3. You made my day!

  4. You are absolutely not alone!! I don’t care how illogical it is or how much someone will laugh at me, I have the creepy crawlies for hours after seeing and/or killing a spider. Size really doesn’t matter, either lol

  5. Hah, love this post. But sorry, spiders don’t bug me! :) My mom always had weird pets when I was growing up — and twice we had tarantulas. They don’t bug me at all.

    Those house centipedes however… they can go straight to hell.

  6. This is me, definitely. I loathe insects. Now with summer our house is full of them. Shhh, don’t tell anyone, but one time as a newlywed I got so freaked out by a centipede in our rental apartment that I called my husband at work and told him to come home right that minute, crying, saying I cannot even look at it, never mind kill it! :) Now with kids I’m a lot more proactive when hubby is not around.

  7. You are so not alone. I was cleaning out my mom’s basement and was surprised by a huge one so bad that I wrenched a muscle in my back. The horrid thing did die a horrible death though before I retreated back upstairs though. ;-)

  8. ROFLMAO– Nope– your not the only one! I do the exact same thing! I’ve decided that I had to be “brave” in front of my 2 boys and my little girl so as to not make then petrified of spiders like I am. I’m getting better at killing them. My favorite method is the “Tissue-box-squish”! My 2 year old is now starting to do it as well when a (small) spider is within her reach.

    I know they are usefull, but seriously? in my living room or kitchen??? Nope– not welcome in my house!

  9. Lol!! I laughed so hard when I saw this…I feel the same way!! I hate spiders! My daughter told me that there was a spider in her room and her and her roommate went around the whole dorm knocking on all the guys doors and no one was home!! They had to kill it themselves. They couldn’t believe not one guy was in the dorm. If you ge a chance to watch America’s Funniest videos 100,000 episode that was on two weeks ago. A man opened a package from Australia that had a huge spider in it. He screamed like a girl. I laughed so hard I cried. Too funny!!

  10. Please tell me your spider wasn’t as large as the one in the graphic?

    I’m not fond of bugs of any kind, but your story makes me laugh, my mom has a similar one for me as a child and a Snake!

  11. I absolutely don’t like spiders after my mom got bite by a black widow spider that was as large as a large cricket. It crawled up her pant leg when she was in her back yard and she got bite on her thigh. She said to me that something bite her and her leg was on fire. She slapped her thigh. She went into the bathroom and called me in. She pulled down her slacks to see. She said something like I didn’t know crickets bite people. I looked at the insect on the floor dead and said, BLACK WIDOW. Her leg started swelling immediately, it was red and hot. Called her Doctor, he said bring her in immediately and put the spider in a zip lock and bring it to. He had to give her adrenaline in the Doctor’s office, some other meds and then watched her for over two hours. She was having muscles spasms, and a lot of pain, fever etc.. She said she’d have to take Alka Seltzer Gold (in gold foil pouches) like three times a day until the muscle spasms stopped to keep some of her electrolytes in check. My mom was sick for three months and my mom never got sick before that, except for once with the flu. The only place she could relax was in the recliner with her feet up. Her leg stayed swollen really badly for over three weeks. I did all the housework because she was wiped. The Doctor said if she had been bite any higher up she would have probably died. My Dad had the whole yard sprayed after that, and the company that sprayed found of nest of those spiders on one of the bushes in the back yard. A week after the spraying my Dad got rid of that bush so a repeat situation would not happen. So yes, I don’t like spiders at all.

  12. How funny I just posted on my FB wall where in the mom handbook does it say we have to bravely kill spiders in front of our littles??? I hate probably more like I am scared to crazy town of spiders. Big ones, little ones, black ones, brown ones, really every spider ever except for Charolette, I cried when she died.

  13. I love the “bath time” image! I nearly died laughing after seeing that one, hahah. I can totally relate.

  14. Oh my, this cracked me up! You practically knocking your daughter down to get away. Hahaha!! I lose my mind with spiders, too. The bad thing is, my husband is afraid of them, too, so we have to take turns killing them. :) Once I was in the passenger seat of my mom’s car, and she was driving (thankfully through a parking lot, slowly) when a spider dropped down right in front of my face. I literally opened the door and jumped out of the moving vehicle without even thinking. I still wonder, if that were to happen while driving 70 miles an hour, would I still jump out?? Haha! For some reason, though, spiders are not as scary to me outside. Once they come in where they don’t belong, though, they turn into monsters! Thanks for the laugh, and you are definitely not alone!

  15. I’m right with you. For all intents and purposes, I’m totally independent and can deal with most things, even mice (most of the time) but spiders and select bugs creep the living HECK out of me and I’m with you. If it looks like it’s playing possum in the tub shower i spray it with water until it goes down the drain, lock it, fill up the tub a bit then undrain to make sure that sucker is GONE before I get in. Other times, I try to roll with it and kill it off quickly

  16. Pet her? Shivers.

    I called my husband at work to come home and kill a spider for me.

  17. This is to funny. Funny but very true!!

  18. LMAO We couldn’t be any more alike in this regard! I used to scream to my husband to come if I saw a spider and he would pick the creature up with a piece of paper and put it outside! With me screaming the whole way.

    When my daughter came along, I wanted to make SURE they never even made it to outside…thinking one day we would run into one playing in the yard. That’s how much I hate them!! (BTW, Scrubbing Bubbles kills them in an instant if you find one in the tub or shower).

    But then she grew to a curious little girl and one day she found a little black jumping spider and we had to catch it and put in a big gallon plastic jar. As much as I hate them, this spider was FASCINATING to watch. The year (yes, just over a Year!) that we had her, she created three egg sacks and laid eggs. Mind you…there was never a male spider near her. When the baby spiders hatched, they would crawl out of the egg sack at times and then she would gather them up to crawl back in the egg sack and she would then hang from the bottom of it, I suppose keeping them warm at night. Each time we let the babies go in a few days (in a field away from my home :o), but kept the mother. I would occasionally catch a fly to put in her jar and she would catch it to eat.
    Of course when she eventually died, we had to have a ‘burial ceremony’ (Remember this was a little kid and things that died had to be buried). She painted a rock for the tombstone, which is still in my flower bed to this day! LOL

  19. LOL. I only have a major problem with spiders if they are on me, otherwise, we can co-exist somewhat peacefully. If I see one in my house I capture it and release it outside near my vegetable garden (unless it’s a black widow or something). And that’s what makes me a true nerd.

  20. Indeed you are not alone. Trust me on that.

    When I see a spider, be it 12 feet away, be it so small you have to measure it in millimeters, I scream for my husband and run from the room immediately.

    Yes, I’m a freak.

  21. agreeed!!! they can live outside all they want, but when they come in my house they are taking their lives in their hands lol

  22. LOL Spiders don’t bother me so much. I do have a pretty crazy and irrational fear of frogs though lol…. so I can totally understand the screaming, running, knocking anyone in your way over. I did do the hairspray thing to a spider once, but it was a huge (HUGE) spider that I’d never seen before so I had no clue what kind it was.

  23. You are NOT alone!! I’m 71, live with my 18 yr old cat…and I STILL do the screaming, stomping, beating everything in the area of the spider/bug (anything that has more than 4 legs), or spraying it til it drowns with bug spray…the chemicals never get to work. The entire time, doing the “Bug War Dance” with as much vigor as I can muster. I know…so bad with the bug spray…but I HAVE to know it is DEAD. Lost spiders have caused me to sit up in the middle of my bed with a flashlight ALL night long.

    Sigh…I just can’t DEAL!!

    God bless,

    Jude

  24. I go crazy all the time although my kids have started killing those buggers too. Which is great so I don’t have to! =) My husband used to work on the flight line and once there was a spider making a web on his uniform. And I just felt something crawling on my face which I swear was a baby spider. Some days I loathe living in a house next to a field.

  25. You’re not the only one. I can’t stand the big ones. I have learned to be ok with the smaller ones, but the big ones send me running. I never show fear in front of the kids, though. #1 don’t want to scare them, #2 I just know when they are bigger they’ll use it against me.
    My son though, falls apart at the sight of a spider – even teeny ones. I frequently have him running into the house, full on tears, because he saw one outside. His brother calls them friend spiders – so two extremes.

  26. That is too funny. Poor girl just wanted to pet it and you totally destroyed it – I would have done the same thing!

  27. Lol – I hate spiders too. I also have a little girl who wants to pet everything! We have a little family of groundhogs living outside, and she’s always staring out the window, asking if she can pet them. It’s adorable!

  28. My husband hates them, and my daughter-in-law to be screams at the sight of any- daddy long legs etc.. kinda cracks me up. I don’t love them whatsoever but I do dislike their webs! So cute.. pet it pet it lol

  29. I laughed out loud the entire way through this post! I felt like I was reading my own words. I feel the EXACT SAME WAY!! I’m terrified of spiders. Even the tiniest ones. When my husband and I were first married I was making dinner one night and saw one in the kitchen. Dinner was put on hold till my husband got home to kill it. ha ha! And you’re right. Now that kids are in the picture you HAVE to kill the sucker no matter how much you’d rather be rubbing your eyes with olive oil. Thanks again for this post! I needed that laugh!

  30. I had a spider right next to my head last night and killed it by punching the wall.

    Between them and snakes I’d be much happier if they didn’t exist anywhere near me. Like never on this earth. EVER.

  31. Then I won’t tell you about the “mommy” spider I killed.

  32. I HATE spiders, and I’ve now passed the fear on to my children. My four year old was playing in the other room and started screaming like someone was trying to stab him. I ran to see what was wrong, and he was backed into a corner terrified and sobbing because he saw a spider on the floor. He didn’t stop crying until he saw the spider go down the toilet.

    • Children were my saving grace!! When I was young I kept a supply of empty mayo size jars handy…and if I saw a bug, I would quickly pop the jar over it, and not go back in that room again, til my husband came home. There were many summer days that he would find me sitting outside because there was a jar in each of our 6 rooms, 7 counting the bathroom…He’d just shake his head, go in and dispense with all the bugs, restack the jars and let me know the coast was clear. When I had my first child…the first thing I taught him, when he learned to walk, was to stomp the critters when Mommy yelled “BUG!!!!!” He would so laugh at me and giggle as he waddled over and stomped on the bug, God love him. When the other two came along, they learned from their big brother. Life was good back then. I often wish I had a toddler around these days!!!

      Jude

  33. I am right with you! My kids love to tell the story about the time I got up early in the morning and went to the bathroom to go pee. I don’t often turn the light on because there is enough ambient light to find the toilet and I can’t stand the glare pounding at my eyes first thing. So, I do my business, but decide that I want to flip the light on to see to wash my hands and face. When I turn the light on, I see inches from the switch (and where my vulnerable hand had been seconds earlier) a HUGE wolf spider. So, I do what any sane person in a t-shirt and underpants would at 6 am when confronted with an intruder bent on my demise. I screeched loud enough to peel paint, jumped on top of the toilet seat and used the plunger to beat it to death screaming “Die f*#%er! Die!!” I beat it so much I broke the plunger. Lucky for me my kids had come running at the screaming, so they got to witness their mother dancing like a crazy person on top of the toilet lid while she bludgeoned one of God’s creatures to pulp.

  34. I hate spiders!!! I have been known to hunt them if I see one in the house. Outside I’ll just move away and let it move on but if one comes in the house “oh no!!! fair game for killing” I will not tolerate bugs of any kind in the house.

  35. Haha! Thank you for the laugh today :) I hate spiders too and would always go for the hairspray approach until his stiff lifeless body could be safely disposed of. Fast-forward two kids later and I too am a quick squish and dispose of kinda girl.

  36. Once as a teenager I put on a hoodie and my friend freaked out because I had an egg sack and the mother spider on my back. I freaked out, screamed and stripped naked running around my house. I HATE spiders.

  37. This is so hilarious! It is a true testament to how much we love our children when we risk our own lives in order to save theirs from the spider.

    I was (and still am on the inside) a complete panicky freak about spiders, but now that I have a child I just put on my brave face and do what must be done….all the while shaking on the inside.

    Love this post!!!!

  38. Such a good laugh! I’m starting to realize that I’m one of those rare people that has never killed a spider… I’m thinking I loved the movie “Charlotte’s Web” too much as a child. But I’ve come to realise that nobody else likes them – so I’ll casually pick them up and throw them outside, rather than risk rain. Now Snakes!!? That’s a different story!

  39. First off I’m allergic to spider bites so they all must die if I see them, especially in my house. Thankfully my dog likes to eat them and I purposely make sure there is a book or shoe in every room to reach for when I see one. I may be a little paranoid to the point of spraying spider repellant around my house but I don’t like unwelcome guests. LOL I freak out when I see them but I go into they must die mode because if they get away I feel the need to hunt them down.

  40. Haha! I just did the same thing yesterday, however, I had my 7-year-old nephew squish it with a shoe because I was too big of a chicken.. :p

  41. Oh my gosh! Thanks for the laugh! This sounds so much like me it is eerie…though not as eerie as your little one wanting to pet the spider. Yikes! I am with you on the whole spiders in the house thing. If they stay outside, I’ll leave them alone. They come into my house and, well, it’s me versus nature in all out war. Every woman (and arachnid) for themselves.

  42. we had brown recluse and then they are bad and then when is see them i do not touch them and scream bloddy murder

  43. Love this! Although the picture of the spider in the shower totally freaked me out!

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