Hoarding my memories
I’m not sure when it happened, but I am keenly aware that I’ve transformed into a terrible blogger.
I’ve been keeping an online diary since I was sixteen years old, and I’ve always felt a mix of pleasure and compulsion in this act. Even after becoming a mother, I was so eager to share photos and stories from my life, but it’s different now.
I feel powerless to time, the aging process, and change. I also feel very protective of my moments and memories and pretty reluctant to share any of it through blog posts. I don’t feel guilty about this, in fact, I think it’s probably a pretty healthy place to be.
That said, I still have passing urges to chronicle some of this here, especially when fall rolls around and I’ve made such a tradition of sharing photos of the kids in the leaves, and in their costumes.
I just can’t believe how big Evan and Kara are getting. I have a hard time articulating myself beyond that disbelief, it’s like a part of my mind and heart shuts down when I try to really focus on the speed at which this is all happening. It’s just going too quickly and I want to reach out and grab it. I just want to hold onto it a little longer.
Also? We got a dog. This is JoJo and he’s a Chiweenie (his dad is a Chihuahua and his mother a Dachshund.) My husband says I was struggling with baby fever and pretty much everyone told me that I was crazy to get a puppy at the exact moment in time when both of my kids were finally going to sleep at night.
He’s sweet, though, and we all love him very much. :)
Back to me being a terrible blogger, it’s true and I’m sorry. Please hang tight with me over the next few weeks as I attempt to kick myself back into gear and start writing more personal posts here soon.