I’ve always been a worrier. I’ve worried myself into sleepless nights, physical ailments and depression. I’ve worried about big things and small things. I do not discriminate.
I do have moments of clarity, though, usually while I’m driving or listening to an inspiring song, when I realize that it’s not my job to worry. No one pays me to worry. I don’t gain any satisfaction, tangible or spiritual. In fact, worry only works toward destruction in my life, and the thing is, worry is contagious. My husband can feel the worry oozing out of my body and my kids can certainly sense when Mommy is preoccupied or down.
While there are quite a few things I despise about getting older, the one thing I can truly appreciate is the perspective and inner peace that only time can give a person. With each passing year, I’m able to more solidly grasp the truth that wants me to trust him enough to not worry.
This is not news to you, right? You know that God doesn’t want you to worry. Yet, it seems more difficult to take this command seriously. It feels less weighty than say lying or stealing. It’s easy to grab onto the worries in our lives both hands and harbor them in our hearts. We hold our worries near us every moment of every day and they begin to attach to our spirit like a cancer.
I know that I’ve allowed myself to swirl into that dark place.
At some point I’ve even felt like my worries and the chaos in my life were something to be proud of. I proclaim to people all the time that I’m a worry wart and tout my stress like a badge signifying my constant high level of stress.
I am busy and stressed, hear me roar!
I struggle with giving my worries to God every day. I know I’m getting better though, because I keep some truths in my mind and in my heart when the worry reaches high tide.
God doesn’t want me to worry. Worrying is not my job.
I am trying to do more praying and less worrying. More breathing and less teeth-gritting. More laughing and less stressing.
God is going to continue to lay the track in front of me whether I worry or not. The next step will be underfoot,the next door will open, and I want to live a life free of anxiety, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.